View Video – How to Build Successful Relationships: Complete Commitment to Your Wrestlers

Everything in life comes down to one word. That word is relationship. Your relationship with God… your wife… your relationship with your kids… your neighbors… your coaches…. your relationship with your wrestlers…. When these relationships are all good, life is great. When you struggle with these relationships, things are not so well.

For example, if I get into an argument with my wife, I am convinced that I will not have the best practice that afternoon with my wrestlers because I am distracted. When I mend that relationship with my wife, I believe that I am less distracted, and I can have a better practice.

How does a coach build a relationship with his wrestlers? He builds it by being completely committed and loyal to them. I wanted my wrestlers to win for the team, the school, their parents, as well as themselves. But I also wanted them to win for me. When there is 30 seconds left in the match, your wrestler is down by a point and they go out of bounds. Your wrestler looks over at you, you are standing up, you clap your hands, and tell them with confidence, “One more good set-up to your single, let’s do it”. I am truly convinced your wrestler wants to win this match so bad for himself as well as for you. Then he gets the takedown to win and you give him a hug and celebrate after the match.

How did you build that relationship with that kid to get him to run through the wall for you? This is built by y being at all the workouts and pushing him and patting him on the back as well as yelling at him. I have a rule that my 4 coaches and I do at every practice. We did this for the 17 years that I was the head coach. The Rule: Every coach must say every wrestler’s name at least three times and it must be positive. This can be very tough for coaches. Many times, it is much easier to yell negative insults than positive remarks. Your wrestler “Johnnie” hits a nice single leg takedown. You yell out so the whole team hears, “Nice single leg Johnnie, that was awesome”. We have roughly 30 wrestlers per year on our team and it is difficult to yell something positive over 100-150 times a day. This keeps you as well as your asst. coaches completely involved in practice. I have been at other teams’ practices and I see assistant coaches sitting on the wall talking and laughing to other coaches while practice is going on. That would never happen at Graham. It is easy for you to yell out your best wrestler’s name 3 times in practice. What is hard is to yell out your 3^rd string JV kids name three times. I am convinced doing little things like this during practice helps you build the relationship with your kids as well as bring your wrestlers together as a team.

I have had many kids that have cut a lot of weight to either make the line-up or to put them in the best position to reach their goals. Weight cutting is tough; it is part of the sport for some. Weight cutting can be very, very lonely at times. Some of my wrestlers that are cutting weight must come back to the wrestling room at night or in the morning or even both.

As a coach, my practice ran from 2:30- 4:00 pm. I would go home and would love to be done for the evening. Instead, I would drive up to the high school and be with my wrestler so he would not feel alone. I would put him through a good weight-cutting workout. I wanted him to not feel alone, as I was there for him. After the workout was finished, I would give him a back rub and tell him positive things about his wrestling and what he was going to accomplish this year. If I wanted the wrestlers to run through the wall for me, I wanted them to know that I would run through the wall for them.

Sometimes as a coach you must let go of your pride or ego to build a relationship. I had a freshman that as an 8^th grader was a real pain in the butt. He got into trouble multiple times and he even got suspended from school for 3 days. He was beyond squirrelly. I really struggled with the kid. I told my asst. coaches that I will not spend any time with this kid when he gets to high school and if he screws up once I am kicking him off the team. The first three months of his freshman year this kid did not cause any trouble, grades were good, and teachers had said he had done everything right. The first month of practice I yelled every kid’s name three times except for this kid. After every practice, the whole team shakes hands with everyone, including the coaches. This kid would always shake my hand hard to try to get my attention. After a month of this, I finally let my ego and pride go and I called the kid into my office. I told him that I am breaking the barrier down that is between us and that I am sorry. The last thing I told him was that I loved him and was proud of him. Now it is time we build a relationship and reach your goals together. The kid started crying and told me that he loved me and thanked me. This kid ended up getting 2^nd in the state for me as a freshman and to this day is one of my favorite kids I have ever coached.

These are a few ways that I would build relationships with my wrestlers. I truly feel to reach your goals as a coach, building solid relationships with your wrestlers are crucial.

Next week for “Wisdom on Wednesdays” we are going to be talking about the 3 Most Important Characteristics A Wrestler Needs to Be Their Best.

Stay safe and keep training hard.

Remember, “Noah didn’t wait for his ship to come in, he built one”.